Sanity Tips for Solo Spouses

SOLO SANITY TIPS

I feel a bit guilty now, when people ask Are you going to be OK and I haven’t even thought about my Husband being away as a negative! Admittedly I am concerned about the scary environment he’s going in to. But I have faith that our first class ADF will bring him home.

Sure I’m really going to miss him, I Love him. But the reality is, out of seventeen years together in the ADF (as we were the very lucky recipients of an ADF Scholarship, which made it possible, for our family to have great choices and go amazing places) We have actually spent ten years together.

Now if I hadn’t made a resolution at the start of our ADF adventure; that I was open to anything, and would go anywhere, but my family and I had to be happy, then I know I would have gone crazy! Especially after ten schools and fourteen homes in those seventeen years, and celebrating on average two out of six birthdays in the same state.

What’s the secret to my happiness?

1. I set my self one domestic chore a day, and if I do more than that, I am really pleased with myself! Why? Because other actions in your life, that make you even happier, should be prioritised first in your day’s timetable.

2. The example for me would be at least one episode of Science Fiction a day . Now this action makes me very happy indeed, so I can approach the world with renewed enthusiasm. To be honest I generally save that precious time till all the kids are in bed, so I can boldly go………

3. Get out of the house! Getting down to your local Community Centre or Neighbourhood House, Playgroup, Workshop, Sporting Session can make the difference to your mental health and level of happiness. At all new postings I seek out the NHC for contact with my local community, wisdom from them, and eventually support and friendships, which are essential for me, especially when my partner is deployed.

4. Volunteer in your local community. Most groups provide support with childminding, if you are kind enough to volunteer your time to help manage a community group. There are hundreds of fabulous Family Support Funding programs, Community Centre classes, Sporting Groups and Youth Groups, Parents & Citizens, St Johns, Greening Australia, the list goes on and on. And each of them will train you, educate you, network you, provide social and academic opportunities and most importantly, create friendships.

5. Exercise the Kids too. Without becoming a chauffer victim, make sure the children are tired out, so when they are at home, they will be calmer and happier, therefore, so will you! Task them!

6. By getting out in the community, even joining a dog club, or walking to school each day, keeps you in touch and provides a matter of perspective. I often beat myself up about stupid things, then when I have a chat with someone else, I will realise its perfectly normal (for fourteen year old boys to do ‘nothing’ for six hours a day at school!)

7. Keeping animals also makes me very happy, except that my DHA home has cream carpet! They are furry and make me laugh, in fact they make the whole family smile, and that’s a good thing - A big bonus with my dogs is that they encourage me to exercise, where as I would have sat and patchworked or written. Regular exercise really does clear the mind, and it’s as simple as a family walk after dinner to relax the troops.

8. Gardening. Having a sanctuary around me, in the form of a garden, is soothing and earths me. I enjoy having nice surroundings, and get my aggression out pulling up weeds and digging holes. The garden is a lovely representation of my efforts. (I think its really sad there is no longer an allowance to encourage members to maintain their garden) Plus being a Chef, I love being self sufficient and plucking vegies and picking herbs fresh,

9. Laugh it off. If I get annoyed, I have to remind myself it’s just my matter of perspective that’s making me angry. Honestly no one else can control my mind and interpretation of things. It was quite a scary realisation knowing that I was the master of my own destiny.

10. Communicate. Write, email, chat, phone, paint, it doesn’t matter what. Just maintain that positive communication aspect of your life.

11. Nurture yourself. Remember to cook a real meal for yourself, rather than dig in with the kids. And buy yourself good food to heal the body and soul. Invite a friend over and cook up a storm together while the kids play. Nurture yourself with a vitamin supplement, luxurious moisturiser, or bubble bath – relax!

12. Spoil yourself. Work out your budget, and plan for a miracle, because you deserve that massage, facial, hair cut, acupuncture, what ever keeps you feeling healthy and recharged. You need to reward your special efforts of being the nexus of your family, so that you can keep doing such a great job.

I hope by sharing my sanity solutions with you, that one may help you through the time of separation, and your solo adventures. I love being partner and usually captain of our ADF family, and know that there are plenty more exciting postings to come. But what is most important, is right here, right now, and your happiness...........